Mixed Feelings
by indiefaggot
Summary: Set before the Proposal: Syed and Christian could have happened then and there but Syed stopped it. What if Syed's head is too messed up to know the difference between wrong and right. But is Christian wrong or right to Syed now?
1. Us

**Mixed Feelings**

**Chapter 1- Us.**

**(Christian and Syed are talking in the Masala Queen kitchen, set before Syed proposes. In Syed's POV)**

"Christian when are you going to realise there cannot be a us." I said calmly but firmly. I was not attracted to him. I wasn't.

"Syed..." He said pleadingly stepping closer. He was close. Way to close what did he expect me to do. It was against my religion. Against God's will. "Listen, stuff like that doesn't happen accidently."

"It does." I paused looking into his eyes. I kept his eye contact for as long as I could manage. " Christian I don't like you." I lied looking away. Okay maybe I did love him but it couldn't happen ever. I looked up. Christian was closer. I looked away again.

"You don't mean that." He whispered, he traced my jaw line and tilted my head up. I didn't fight him this time he took the last step of space in between us without letting my head drop down. He placed his second hand on my cheek and leant down towards me. Seconds past in reality but when his lips touched mine it felt like years. Fire seemed to burn my skin in a good way, where he touched me, it was right and felt good. We pulled away gasping for breath. "I told you..." Christian smiled. The smile lit up his eyes and I pulled him into me and kissed him again. I couldn't help myself. He was... amazing.

When we broke apart this time we didn't seperate. Christian wrapped his arms protectively around me.

"Syed?" He whispered almost silently.

"Yes?" I said slowly.

"What are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?" I said stepping back from him.

"About everything. Your mum, Amira?"

"I don't know, okay?" I said angrily but maybe too angrily. I paced infront of him.

"I know it's hard." He grabbed my hand pulling me around and forcing me to look in his eyes. "But we need to sort this out."

"No." I shrugged him off of me. My angry tone had returned. "I need to sort this out. I need to sort my head out." I daredn't look at him again for the fear that I would stay with him. I wanted to. I really did.

I stormed out of the kitchen slamming the door behind me. I needed to think. I needed to sort it all out.


	2. Passion

**Chapter 2- Passion**

**(Syed is thinking)**

I walked around the square for ages. I didn't know what was happening? I wanted to be with him. He had made his way into my head and i didn't know how to get rid of him or even if I wanted to...

I settled for a bench in the middle of the square and sat with my head in my hands. I waited for th massive headache to kill me. Maybe then I wouldn't be forced to make this decision.

"Syed?" His voice was caring for once. I looked up into him. "Syed? What..." I realised at that moment that tears were freely falling down my cheeks.

"Dad..." I whispered looking away.

"Syed..." He sat down beside me looking concerned and trying to meet my eyes. "What's happened?" I stayed silent wishing he would leave me alone. When he didn't I spoke.

"Dad, please..." I whispered as I tried to be firm.

"You can tell me." He sighed. "I might even be able to help."

"You can't." I said angrily. A bit too anrgily.

"Syed... please don't get angry with me." He said softly.

"No, I'm not angry with you." I said standing up. He watched me without stopping me. "I'm angry at me." I walked away from him. And I didn't look back. I was pretty sure I had made up my mind.

**(Christian's POV)**

I had never wanted a call as much as I wanted one now. I flipped up my phone for the 100th time this afternoon. That was it! I wasn't gonna wait around for him to come back. I stood up and reached for my coat but immediatly stopped and sat back down in the kitchen. This was ridiculous. I was losing my mind to a person i had met a couple of months I heard a door open. I turned and stood up. I expected it to be Zanib or Jane but I didn't want them to see me looking upset. Syed ran inside his eyes were red and I guessed he'd been crying.

I didn't really get much of a time to think though because his lips hit mine. His hands ran up my arms and pushed me back until my back hit the wall behind me. I returned the kiss. I felt stupid not knowing where the relationship was going. His hands trailed lower.

"Syed..." I said breathlessly pulling away. "I can't do this... not without knowing where we are going." He stepped back and turned away from me. I wished that his hands were back on me and his lips were too.

"I don't know,Christian." He turned around to face me. Subconsciously I took a step towards him. "Please don't." He said noticing the gesture more than I had.

"What did you think about?"

"I don't know. Not much. I mean I met my dad. But I don't know. I still want you. I want to be with them too."

"There's one solution..." I whispered.

"What?"

"Tell them."

"No." He said firmly. "I can't. What would happen if I never told them."

"I don't know." I said dumbly but then I got it. "An affair?"

"Don't say it like that, Christian." He stepped towards me and held both of my hands. "It doesn't have to be just sex. I'm talking me and you together."

"But we won't be together will we? You'll still be hiding it from them."

"You and me won't go behind their backs for long,just long enough." He looked at me with those amazing brown eyes. I knew I couldn't refuse him. His lips forced onto mine again and I didn't push him away.


End file.
